Deja vu

It has been over a year since I wrote here last. It's actually sickening to think that every year I am still in the same position that I was in the year before. How do I break this chain of events?  I am always blogging about going back to school and weight loss. I have yet to reach my goals in either department. 

At this point, I'm not sure what direction God is taking me. We are finally out of the military and making a life for our family back home. We are buying a house soon and I will have my work cut out for me in making the house a home. We haven't had a "home" in over six years. I don't mean to say that we have been homeless, but we have never fully embraced our living situation when we lived in base housing. I am looking forward to this change and maybe once I'm there I can begin to seek some direction. I still fully intend to make health a priority. I still fully intend to get a degree. But I need to learn to rely on God for the strength to implement the plans that it takes to make these things happen!  

Here's to blogging more regularly and coming back before 2016!

Self-esteem

I have always worried about the way I look and how others perceive me.  I think as a small girl you are immediately trained to compare yourself to everyone else.  We spend time in the mirror talking down to ourselves and pointing out all of our flaws.  Obviously all this mental punishment wears down on you over the years ... and I know it would take some miracle to retrain my thinking!  But wouldn't it be cool if somehow we really could overcome all that negative thinking, learn to ignore the media, and just be happy in your own skin?  Maybe, just maybe, we wouldn't pass down this nasty trait to our children.  Anyways, I just get sick of the way the world is sometimes and even though I feel powerless to help everyone who needs it ... I could at least try to start with myself!
These videos by Dove are especially moving and encouraging!

 

I love the fact that we describe ourselves by pointing out all of our flaws.  In reality, the people we meet see us in such a different light.  Our friends and family would never describe us with all the flaws at the top of the list either!  They see beauty in us and I think we should too.

Monday, Weighday

I am proud to announce that I have lost seven pounds since December 30th.  That was only 3 weeks ago.  I'm not ever hungry and I've thrown in some exercise.  We even splurged and took my son to Chuck E Cheese's and yes, I had a soda and too much pizza.  But you know it actually felt rewarding to be eating those things and having a night out with my little family.  I am so happy that I ate well and worked out all week to have that treat over the weekend! 

You know it seems like my desire for writing comes and goes in waves.  But the thing about tides is that they always come rolling back in.  So I decided to start doing some research.  I'm reading many different books about writing.  I know it sounds weird but I can't get over the feeling that I'm not good enough to become a writer.  I didn't study and am not planning to study any English extensively.  I haven't read all the great novels by all the most famous authors.  I don't know any writers personally and I didn't grow up with an interest in it.  I feel under qualified to do it ... but yet that desire just won't go away! 

If you haven't shopped at a Trader Joe's before, I'd highly recommend it.  Their meat is great.  I particularly like the ground turkey and the chicken sausage.  I also enjoy their beef for stew meat and their steaks too.  OK, I haven't actually found a meat that I didn't like yet.  Which is good because I'm not always a huge meat eater!  Also, get some eggs while you're there.  :) 

This post seems a little random, but I like it that way.  Have a healthy week!

Happy and Sad

I always feel happy and proud when I finish reading a book.  But that feeling quickly fades when I realize that I won't be able to spend my evenings venturing around in that world.  I realize that when I hit that last page that it's over.  I quickly find myself looking for the next good book to read.  I don't know why, but losing yourself in a book is a stress relief.  It's different than watching a movie.  You use your own imagination when you interpret the words of the author.  The author sets the parameters and you bring that world and those characters to life in your own mind.  It is an amazing feeling.  Maybe that is one reason I wish I would just buckle down and start writing my own book.  I would love to know that I gave someone a story that they could get lost in ... where they feel the characters and imagine their world.  On a side note, I just finished "The Invention of Wings" and I would recommend it.  It's a great story about slavery and two women finding themselves.  It is fairly short though so be prepared for it to end, leaving you longing for more!

In other news ... I love Zumba.  We bought the Xbox One this week and it comes with a Kinect.  I have always wanted a Kinect and a fitness game.  In an effort to combine my love for gaming with my need to exercise, I decided to try the demo first.  I don't know how to explain how much fun I was having.  My two year old son was just dancing around the living room with me and having a blast.  My husband bought the game for me the next day and I danced to about 12 songs this morning!  It sounds like a lot but it really amounted to about thirty minutes total, maybe a little more.  I was sweating like crazy and out of breath between every song but I was having a blast.  I've never had so much fun exercising!  I'd like to spend the same amount of time "playing" the game and hopefully shedding lots of pounds right there in my living room floor.  I'd like to note that I have no dancing skills at all whatsoever ... I attended a live class one time.  One time.  It was fun but I couldn't get over the feeling of humility dancing in front of all those people.  I have rhythm but not the kind of rhythm it takes to look good while dancing, ha-ha!  But it doesn't matter when I'm alone in my own home!  I'm having fun and even if it looks horrible ... it's definitely a great cardio workout!

My diet hasn't been 100% dead on like I'd like.  But it hasn't been horrible either, I haven't like completely fallen off the wagon and ordered fast food.  I'd like to still squeeze in more fruits and vegetables.  I'd really like to learn to love hot tea.  The flavors are so weak that I am having a hard time enjoying them.  I bought some Pepsi throwback or whatever it's called.  It's a soda made without high fructose corn syrup.  I know that I haven't had a soda in almost three weeks and I don't need them ... but sometimes I just need a break from all this water.  I don't plan on drinking one every day ... it's just not worth the calories.  But those days when I feel like a soda, at least I don't have to drink it in high fructose form.  Surprisingly enough it actually tasted pretty normal.  The first sip or two was weird (maybe from not having soda for so long) and then it just tasted like regular Pepsi.  Like I said, I'll be rationing them.  No reason for me to add back to my decreased sugar intake.  Anyways that's my update ... I've gotta buckle down on school before I get behind!  Biology and a developmental math class are the lineup for the next eight weeks.  Pray for me!  :)

Ups and Downs

This past week didn't go as well as week 1.  I think that I grew tired of cooking new recipes on a daily basis.  It was really discouraging when I'd make one, spending a couple hours standing in the kitchen preparing it, and end up not even enjoying it.  There were a couple recipes that were delicious and a few others were just not my style.  I'm supposed to be eating lean meats, vegetables, and fruits.  I don't know at what point it started feeling so complicated.  I think just trying to find great combinations and trying to make the food flavorful is the hardest part for me.  When I google for recipes and the ingredient list is a mile long, it just seems like so much work for each meal.  I don't mind cooking at all ... but spending two hours prepping, chopping, cooking, whatever ... it's too much.  So I'm still looking for more ideas to simplify and also be more cost effective.  I have thrown away a few things this week because I just didn't get around to eating them.  So I'll be working to avoid that in the future.

I have done a couple of exercise days and I plan to include more.  I'd like to get back on the track and start jogging again.  But I have done Jillian Michaels 30 day shred dvd two times and I have gone for a couple walks.  Obviously it'd be ideal to increase the amount of exercise I'm getting.  I just need a plan.

I start school today and I'm praying for strength.  I really don't want my anxiety to get out of control trying to manage the house, take care of my son, making time for fitness, and also cooking healthy food. 

But before I go ... I'd like to announce that I have lost 4.6lb in two weeks.  I know it's not a huge loss ... and I really expected the number to be higher.  BUT it's progress and I'm still happy to have a loss and progress toward my goal.  I don't like to stress over the number of my weight, but I do it anyways.  I just like to have something to help keep me motivated. 

In the next week or two I would like to have a solid plan for exercise and study time in place.  It just takes time to adjust my day and place priority on things for myself.

Welcome to my Blog, Again

At this point, I can't help but wonder how many blogs I've started and stopped.  There are times when I start one just to have a place to write but then I feel silly and delete them.  There have been times when I start one with so many goals in mind and have never followed through.  This has been a lifelong pattern of mine ... starting things and never finishing them.  Thankfully I am working through this by making realistic goals, taking small steps every week, and saying lots of prayers.  I have found that God has been the missing ingredient in almost all of my failed endeavors in the past.  At first thought, you may think that I am blaming Him for my failure but it's actually just the opposite.  I am blaming myself for not including Him in any of my big decisions.  I blame myself for not turning to Him when I have lost the strength to carry on.

I always make a new blog because I like the feeling of a new beginning.  You know the cliché all too well, "new year, new you."  I'm pretty sure I have even blogged that at some point.  But if I can find the strength to follow through with some of the new goals that I have set, I can only imagine how proud I will feel this time next year when I'm actually fit and healthy ... or when I've actually finished another year of college, or whatever! 

I really enjoy writing about my weight loss journey.  I feel really good when I reflect on what I've done, bad or good, and my progress.  It helps me keep my perspective and gives me a place to chat about my frustrations.  I also enjoy writing about other things in my life like school, writing, my family, or anything that I find particularly interesting.  Sometimes I just miss writing!  I have even set out to write a book a during a couple of Nanowrimos and it just never works out.  (unrealistic goal for me to be able to complete a book in one month!) 

Anyways I can't think of much else to say for now.  I'd like to post an update of my new eating changes and fitness goals at a future time.